BEG

 

Sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in,
where the only person who can judge is yourself.

 

I owe this space some updates :) Hahaha for the most part, cts are FINALLY over, but there's still the piling of homework and tests and whatnot. Ummm, life is rocky, unpredictable, but definitely more fun when i take chances :)

AND I WENT TO THE BEG FANTMEETING :D :D :D *hops around in delight*

It was so worth the hours of sitting down trying to do amath, watching a bit of wgm, braving the stupid rain that seemed to flood the floor :( Hahaha AND the gross over-sized guy who probably had raging hormones and memorised all the lyrics to the songs.... HAHA. Lesson learned: Go research bout members profile before attending any of the fanmeetings. Oh and try to memorise lyrics of their songs too.

HAHAHAHAHA it was hilarious. BUTT CRACK WE SAW A GROSS BUTT CRACK EEEEEW. It was so hilarious when we tried snapping pictures of it hahahahahahhahhahaah.

OH OH and BEG POSTERS :D :D :D SO, BEG BREATHED DBSK'S AIR AND CAME TO SINGAPORE, BREATHED SINGAPORE AIR, THEREFORE I AM INDIRECTLY BREATHING DBSK'S AIR :D Can'tttttttt wait for Seoul'd out. CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT.

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Now on to a very very very, extremely depressing note, there's school tomorrow.

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I wanted to end it there but i realised it's kinda bad to end the post on a sad note. So, back to a happier note, ummmmm. Be happy! :) There's not many things that are happy nowadays anyway. OKAY I KNOW I SHALL END IT WITH

ABCD ET GOLLEM SHREK GOLLEM IT'S YOU! hehehehe :)

The SHINee World

 

I miss you, my thoughts are always with you, from the bottom of my heart
Once again, I want to give my heart to you
If you call me, I’ll go to you
I want to smile by your side

 

With all my heart, with all my heart. Ah, for some reason i've been constantly craving for non-stop music on replay through my headphones. My fingers itched to dig out my itouch and just listen and fall asleep in class. Besides, i've just got my hands on The SHINee World album and i am loving it :) The next album i'm gonna get is the TOHOSHINKI BEST SELECTION OMG THEY LOOKED SO SEXYYYY IN THE ALBUM COVER

AH I'M SPAZZING. Okay.

Tomorrow............... LAST DAY OF THE WEEK i will get through it! The only thing i'm looking forward to is after school :D Mmm, physics spa today, t'was fine. :) CIP was fine too! Hahaha tiring but nice :) I like old people better than babies :)

Hokay, this is a happy post :) Kinda hahahahahahaha. Yay i'm happy :) Like momentarily :) Till i wake up tomorrow and get out of my bed then i will become UNhappy. For now, i'm happy :)

Woke up and wished that i was dead

 

My body aches,
it heaves,
it shakes,
all somersaults,
through so-called art and I still don't know exactly who I am,
I never will,
amen.

 

I honestly don't know where i'm suppose to go, what i'm suppose to do. Woke up and wished that i was dead. With an aching in my head, i lay motionless in bed. I thought of all the things that scared me, saddened me, and suddenly i wished i could've just died in my sleep. The more i see, the less i of anything i feel. I'm falling apart faster than ever. And that scares me.

A heartbreak isn't as loud as an exploding bomb. Sometimes it's as soft as a falling feather, and the only one that can hear it is me. I've got loves out there i would run to as fast as possible. I think you know what i want to say next but i wouldn't say it, no i wouldn't ask that rhetorical question. I'm not chiding you, i'm chiding myself.

Bio's on wednesday. I'm in a too distressed state to study, let alone function normally.  

I swear, i am the biggest overanalyzer that you will ever meet. I think so much about the little things that don't even mean anything. I guess i'm just looking, looking for something that isn't there.

My brain's gone wayward. In a wayward direction it seems. Capricious, unpredictable. I've got a premonition bout something. Can't prevent it from happening but i'm trying, oh, my, God i'm trying. Can you believe it? I can't. After all the mental blockage i put myself through, i'm actually trying. Haha see i scare myself.

Again, bio's on wednesday. I suppose typing those 3 words wouldn't make me move my ass and get down to memorising homostasis excretion and retarded neurones (I take that back i need more neurones) but it makes me feel better. In a way.

sad sad sad sad sad sad sad tonight

 

I want to crash,
I want to fall,
I want to be somewhere in the middle.
Something is better than nothing,
I just need a little.

 

Something unexpected happened today. I am going to make sure it never happens for the rest of my life, forever, at least as long as i'm still a female. Hahahaha hilarious. Okay. Handbell was fine. Just fine. It was tiring but it wasn't baaaaaaad. Not as bad as school at least.

THANK GOD THE FREAKING WEEK IS OVER.

Amath and bio left, i feel like cts have ended actually. Oh dearrrrrr. Somehow today physics was fine. For the first time physics was fine. And wayyyyy better than chemistry. Chemistry was so bad, 'bad' can't even cut it.

Today we watched this vid in chinese where there was like thisrace of 31 children in a line with their legs all tied tgth. Omg i swear they looked like running caterpillars! Japan has many pretty girls :) At least for one team la. And nigeria people who speak Japanese and live in a family of 31 siblings is WAYYYYYYYY cooler than anything.

Hehe i got to drink my yoghurt smoothie after craving for it for the whole. entire. day. I will buy 5 large bottles of it tomorrow. I am in love with the pink strawberry yoghurt smoothie hahahahahahahahaha I SHOULD BE THEIR SPOKESPERSON OR SMTH. MASCOT? I'M A WALKING PINK ADVERTISMENT! :)

Hokay i am not making sense, hmmmmmmmmmm. I WILL GO SEARCH FOR NICE ENGLISH SONGS NOW :) i'm gonna dl justin bieber's album HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He's quite cute la. Not in the hot way but in the baby way. In the Taemin way. Nevermind.

Bye i'm going to do stupid random things now because it feels like cts is over.

Hahahahahahahahahaha i like the way you make me laugh, everything is hilarious :)

Always there

 

Memories stained with tears, your voice rings in my ears.
Hidden by color, I'm getting exhausted, I keep seeing your eyes

 

I bummed out on chem and felt so low after that i didn't study when i came home. The only thing i did was watch Glee season 1 and loop dbsk's always there on repeat. Oh and tried to memorise lyrics for CN blue.

So i definitely screwed up emath for sure, seeing how i didn't touch a single numerical-related document. Alphabetical paragraphs make up my catharsis, not squiggly curves and numbers, eew.

Today was no better. It was fine after school though. I enjoyed myself even though a single static-electricity information somehow didn't manage to enter the neurones in my nerves hence it couldn't be transmitted to my brain. There i just merged physics and bio yay.

I'm probably the only idiot who didn't go home to study for physics. And i have myself to blame. Truthfully, i'd have picked spending time with people i love rather than staring at a bunch of numerical figures, trying to figure out how they contribute to formulars that i have no idea they actually exist. They're pretty much useless too, it's not like i'm going to run to all the switches in my house and calculate how much voltage passes through them, or the current or the resistance or the freaking COULOMBS URGH.

AND OMG WHY MUST I KNOW WHAT'S A THERMISTOR?! I HATE OHMS LAW I HATE MR OHM.

Don't even get me started on static electricity it's just as bad with all the freaking flow of electrons why can't electrons just STAY STILL FOR ONCE. I don't really give a damn whether anything is positively charged or negatively charged i would rather finish reading Emma, thank you very much.

--

Okay i assume i just ranted. It's probably the fact that i haven't studied physics yet and coming to terms with it. It's 10:25 now. I have a feeling i'm not going to sleep. Or maybe i will subconsciously die with my eyes still staring at the line 'Is plate X positively charged or negatively charged? Give an explation for your answer in (a)'.

Oh my god will someone just kill me already

 

Thank you, all of you, thank you :)
Especially you. Who taught me how to be happy,
happier, rather.
Thank you.

WITH ALL MY HEART

SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM I AM LETTING OUT A FAN GIRL SHRILL SCREAM OF ESTACY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG THE SINGLE IS OUT OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHI AM ON CLOUD 9 NOW YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BEAUTIFUL CLOUD 9 IS I JUST WNA STAY HERE FOREVER FREEZE THE FREAKING MOMENT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) --Okay. I am more OR LESS calmed down BUT OMG THE SONG IS TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BE LISTENED TO I JUST CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO IT.IT SHALL BE THE SONG THAT SINGS ME TO SLEEP AND NOT 'THE NAME I ONCE LOVED' I'M SORRY SHINEE I'M SORRY ONEW BUT DBSK COMES FIRST BEFORE ALL ELSE! SHOO!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH <3 <3 <3:) Yay i am really happy now :) Okay OKAY GOODNIGHT :) :) :) :) WITH ALL MY HEART GOODNIGHT! HAHAHAHHHEHEHEHEHAHHAHAHHEHEHEHEHE

The name i once loved

I swear it's the only song that puts me to sleep.--My hands are chilledDimly, the cold memories of love gather.I know that I no longerwant to impose my feelings on you.Because I realize that I cannot love youeven though you are so close to me,It's too hard for me to be waitfor someone that cannot be mine.I can't endure any longerbecause it will never happenThe name that I once lovedtravels further away as I call it,I write down that name, holding back tears,I want to hide it within myself.Please understand the dayswhen I had no choice but to love youA love that was never realized, is still loveThe feeling of love,which cannot be realized alone, draw near.The yearning for this love I couldn't even beginonly grows bigger,and in a column of my chilled heart,only your scent remains.The name that I once lovedtravels further away as I call it,I write down that name, holding back tears,I want to hide it within myself.Please understand the dayswhen I had no choice but to love youA love that was never realized, is still loveI turn it back a thousand times,going back to the place I was.Back before a portion of my heartwas snatched away from meThe name that I once loved(That I loved)travels further away as I call it,I write down that name, holding back tears,I want to hide it within myself.Please understand the dayswhen I had no choice but to love youEven a short love, is still love

Cny

 

The name that I once loved
travels further away as I call it,
I write down that name, holding back tears,
I want to hide it within myself.

 

I'm typing this with half-closed eyes, gawd i am sleepy. I realised i haven't updated this space since........... k it feels long ago. Haha.

So............................. CNY 2010, how has it been? :) I couldn't bring my books to study cuz according to my mother, study in chinese is 'du shu' and 'du' also means gamble while 'shu' also means lose. Therefore, study = lose $ gambling.

It is the STUPID-EST reason as to why i can't bring books to study. LIKE SERIOUSLY. IS YOUR $2 BET OF MORE VALUE AND WORTH THAN MY O'S? Jolly well get your priorites straight! OMG i sound like my mother.

Other than that.................................................... OH OH OH, Shinee's the name i loved (by onew <3) Is the only song that can put me to sleep. I swear it is. I love that song so much i'm going to print the lyrics and put it up on my wall next to jaejoong's big giganormous face. And maybe i'll print ttl lyrics too cuz it's really really cool :)

Hahahahaha i should have a wall in my room dedicated to kpop. And another for english stuffs :) I realised how much i missed listening to jack's mannequin. And i love skins omg. I printed out Kaya Scodelario's picture! She's so pretty.

Right anyway. since i wasted the past 3 days not studying, i will study tomorrow. Even if my mother loses bucks. Annoying!

V....................... day

 

You want my future, you can't have it.
I'm still trying to erase you from my past.
I need you gone so fast.

 

I'm pretty sure i've got another post dated 14feb2009 with the title 'vday'. 2010, vday will officially suck ass since it's gonna be merging with cny. Besides, right after the superfkingshort hols there's cts. I don't get it i thought last year's cny was on 15th feb?! Why the hell do the dates keep changing omg it's CNY for goodness sakes JUST PICK A DATE ALREADY AND STICK TO IT.

So then. I feel like i've just dug a grave for myself or smth. Yesterday was.. fine. Haha. We gave out oranges to 'bless the community' and went for lunch after that. I FAIL EPIC-LY at the 'Darling, i love you' game. I just can't picture myself calling anyone who's not my lover 'darling'. It's just too wrong!

Went cny shopping after that! Got home at like 11. Hahahaha it was funfunfun :) And mad tiring. But i enjoyed it :)

Time to memorise lyrics for because i'm stupid! Hahahaha and then ttl and then abracadabra. See the pointless things i do rather than study. I really am stupid. Anyway, since nobody really updates their space anymore, i shall be the only non-conformist (lol) and update this onsugar! :D hahaha.

HAPPY V DAY/ CNY IT'S GONNA SUCK-AZZZZ.  

 

Jo jo

 

don’t let go of love - hold on,
because it’ll always be worth your while

 

I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground I,
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms  

URGH

OKAY THIS WHOLE WEEK + THE FOLLOWING 2 WEEKS WILL BE COMPLETELY UNBEARABLE AND TORTUROUS. I AM ON THE BRINK OF DEATH LOL. TODAY SUCKED SO MUCH I SWEAR I JUST WANT TO SLEEP AND NEVER WAKE UP. THERE'S BIO SPA TMR.

BIO SPA BIO SPA BIO SPA

WHY AM I STILL ONLINE? WHY AM I BLOGGING OMG THERE'S SOMETHING TERRIBLY WRONG WITH ME I HAVE GONE INSANE. I NEED TO DO STUPID EMATH NOW, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I'M DOING EMATH WHEN TOMORROW'S SS AND BIO SPA

BIO SPA BIO SPA BIO SPA

OMG WILL SOMEONE JUST KILL ME NOW? *not you SF even though i know you'd love to kill me or smth*

URGH. I hate life i just wanna move to aus like Mohan. LIFE SUCKS. I HAVE VIOLIN TOMORROW LIFE REALLY SUCKS.

I am dying

 

The times you don’t wanna wake up
‘Cause in your sleep it’s never over when you give up

 

I've yet to falter. The bare minimum is keeping check of my sanity. It does sting when i think about incidents i wished never occurred. Or actions i will kill to take back. To catch my words in the palms of my hands after i spit them out. It hit me this afternoon that it doesn't work like that.

When I am in a dark tunnel, I want to be with people who love me enough to sit in the darkness with me and not stand outside telling me how to get out. I think that’s what we all want.

It doesn't work like that.

The bird and the worm

 

So when you feel the pain of loss,
please don’t grab at something to take away the pain.
Just have faith that pain,
like everything else,
is transitional.

 

It seems as if the more we let go, the more we experience love. Love is beyond everything else - anxiety, desire, hope, resentment. Love is openhearted, demands nothing, and needs nothing. It is more likely to visit when our desires are quiet, when we don’t need or want much, and when we accept that everything we love is not permanent but is with us at this very moment.

I think it was... Izabella? Who was singing the bird and the worm lyrics outside class and i stepped out and heard it and it got stuck in my head ever since :) I miss owl city. I miss english songs. I miss relating to songs, like finally, i am up and going, roving through my itunes once again :)

So.......... The bird and the worm! Go listen. :) Today was like any other day. I can't tell days apart anymore. They're all the same, i'm dying.