Omg i fucking know what happened. Some fucker hacked into my onsugar and privatized my fucking blog. So now the tagboard's gone, the description gone everything gone, followers gone, hahaha
FUCK YOU ONSUGAR :)
M finally moving again. Can't be bothered with this shit site anymore. Fuck you. I shall go search for better sites now. And when i do i'll post my last post here and get the fuck out of onsugar.
tastelikesugar.onsugar.com, bye.
I love you,
and I will love you until I die,
and if there is life after that,
I’ll love you then.
An attempt at a decent post. Hopefully when i press publish the post will BE PUBLISHED. So anyway, i was suppose to get a sushi treat later however :( how sad. My sad life. At home. *hint hint DEANNA*
Apparently i am to be studying now? Sorry not happening.
The font on macbook is really really nice. BYE COMPAQ NEVER GOING BACK TO YOU AGAIN :) I HAVE BEEN... APPLEFIED! According to celine. Inventor of that supposed supercool word.
Hahahaha i'm gonna get a polaroid soon and then i don't have to waste time uploading and printing stuff. Yay to 21st century, mother of new age technology.
--
Are you following me?” she asks, but doesn’t meet my gaze.
“Yeah,” I say.
“Why?”
I give her the only honest and true answer I have. “You’re where I want to be.
-LEAVING PARADISE, SIMONE ELKELES
--
I want to say somewhere: I’ve tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in.
At the time, my life just seemed too complete,
and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.
--
FUCK YOU ONSUGAR, FUCK YOU.
WHEN ONSUGAR STOPS BEING SO BITCHY I WILL POST A DECENT POST. FOR NOW, URGH FUCK YOU ONSUGAR.
At times, I feel like the heart and mind play tricks on each other.
That just when you have got yourself convinced
with one that something is what you want,
the other steps in and makes you feel nothing but doubt.
P-p-p-prelims are over, like finally :) Time is passing by s-s-s-s-so fast :(
I am Dead. Beat. Oh my i realise like to say that hahahaahaha. I HAVE BEATEN MY RECORD. I HAVE OFFICIALLY SPENT MORE THAN 3 HOURS IN ORCHARD FOR 3 STRAIGHT DAYS IN A ROW. I spent 5 hours in the previous 2 days and 3 just now :)
Oh wait. Shall talk about stuff in chronological order.
So first, sushi buffet :) Was awfully full after the whole thing but hahaha it's sushi so i was happy :D we spent about 2 hours there with the STUPID FUCKING MANAGER (who doesn't deserve to be one in my honest opinion) and then we ate peas and disgusting ginger stuff soaked in soy sauce. It was nice :) :) Bonding time :) :)
Now i can add one more word to the list of words that remind people of me. At the top would be pink (obviously you can go jump off smth if you didn't know that) and the second one is now fuck :) Is that something to be proud of? idk. It just goes to show that when all you people are married and having sex in about 10 years time? You'll be thinking about me :D (gross)
Then i went shopping (not suprising) with sylvia (suprising) and we succeeded in getting everything i listed before we started shopping! It was quite fun actually! Hehehehe.
Lucifer is now playing on repeat :) Loverholic? Lovertronic? Isn't loverholic derived from alcoholic and lovertronic from electronic.... So they're drunk and they love gadgets?! Dont get it. Still nice though :) Hehehehe minho's rap is nice :) Key's hair is the best and i should shut up now before anyone clicks the x at the top right hand corner.
Wait i shall save the rest of my kpop rant for the last part of the post so anti-kpop people can just skip it easily.
Apparently after all the prep talks my school has given me, i'm suppose to feel xtremely motivated and ready to HINK EEL AND CT (think feel and act) HOWEVER, don't see that happening sorry. :( This is depressing, i'm going to fail o's (look i'm sewing seeds or wtv)
I'm sure i'll be motivated soon enough. Hopefully. Tomorrow........................ shopping! Again :D Then party @ joy's! Hehehe can't wait :)
Life is good for now.
--
KPOP RANT STARTS HERE.
WHY CAN'T DBSK JUST GET BACK TGTH. WHY MUST CHANGMIN AND YUNHO BE ON THE PLANE ALONE :( WHY MUST BOA SIT IN BETWEEN THEM AND TAKE A PHOTO. SHE CAN'T EVER REPLACE THE LACK OF MEMBERS. WHY CAN'T DONGHAE AND EUNHYUK SHOW MORE FANSERVICE. WHY MUST SNSD BE THERE. At least key and jonghyun wore couple shirts (yay!) and i saw everyone using the 300$+ earpieces. Yes, i know you artists are very rich. (which is absurd if sm is really taking your money, so claimed my ex husband who refuses to make up with his other 2 band members or rather, lover and son) I am going crazy :(
SS3 :D
HI ONSUGAR IS BEING A BUGGER AGAIN :) :) :) I SHOULD LIST OUT ALL THE VULGAR/ REALLY DISGUSTING WORDS THAT START WITH B LIKE FOR INSTANCE, BUTT AND BOOBS AND WELL THE OTHER WORD FOR BOOBS.
HOWEVER, HOW EVER, HOWEVER, THERE ARE NICE WORDS THAT START WITH B TOO! LIKE FOR INSTANCE, BEL! AND BEAUTIFUL (BEAUTIFUL BEL) AND BOOKS AND BOOKS AND MORE BOOKS.
I need a decent book to read :(
Okay moving on, my weekend has been absolutely wundafuel! Hehe no wait, Friday was just as nice. Despite having to take 3 papers on Fri + handbell photoshoot (which was pretty funny in the end), i went out! Like finally like yay! Hahaha and bought myself 2 rings, totally contradicting my dislike for rings. But they cost me a bomb :( I don't regret buying them though :) (i never do)
Anyway, and then at about 10 we made our way from ion (it has this SMELL which i can smell once i step out of the train) to gardens and had supper there :) In this new dessert place where they were showing DREAM CONCERT (who cares i have the cd)
OHHHH AND WE TOOK MANY FUNNY VIDS USING SARAH'S CAMERA :D (okay maybe just me) i might post them up hehehehe.
Saturday was........................................... busy? Nothing much though :( Sunday (today) was busy busy busy as well.
Okay my weekends might not have been that great since i only liked Friday and it's not a weekend. Prelims are almost over! With the exception of physics p2. I have increased my love for physics and amath (not kidding) because unlike everything else, they actually MAKE SENSE. Who cares about the elements and how plants respire and WHO CARES ABOUT COUNTING WATER BILLS AND ALL THAT SHIT AND WHO CARES ABOUT VENICE (k it's quite nice but still).
English and lit were always my fav subs anyway.
GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHH I SOUND LIKE A GEEEEEEEEEEK LIKE A NERDDDDDD :( This is so sad.
Hahaha i shall end my mindless ugly post with no picture and no quote because onsugar chose to shit me.
Oh and i'm having second thoughts about forever. Not literally but the other meaning (selective sharing- only few wld understand) Maybe after o's?
--
Forever.
It is necessary,
in this world,
to be made of
harder stuff than one’s environment.
An attempt at a decent post! Hehehe. (Onsugar isn't being a bitch anymore).
So.. the past few days have been hectic like hell. This week has been really terrible (my fingers are now itching to type 'T.T' but it's classified as a lian-ish emicon or smth like that) but anyway, i died. Like, i literally died (brain dead) and then i had to force it to start again then it died the next day then i forced it to start again and you know..... the repetitive cycle.
Oh, something new and interesting to brighten up my xtremely dull life- in 4A1, 2 rows/columns away from me, A BUNG COMMUNITY HAS FORMED! They consist of Captain Bung Deanna and her fellow bung mates- sylvia and bing LEAH. Oh and they have neighbours too- elzbth and bethanie (omg i just realised elizabeth w/o vowels looks really awsm).
Friends have kept me sane- i am tres thankful for that :)
On saturday, i had music! Aaaaaaaaaaaaand Mui Gek and i took pics in the lab! The last time i did that was like 2 years back and i still have the photos HAHA but anyway these are funnier and nicer :) Music make us insane.
I really really really wanna learn the celtic hammered dulcimer :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Anyway, i will die tomorrow again since there's tripple papers to sit for.
Hi, i am very stressed now. I was suppose to devote 2 hours of my afternoon to music so that i can at least attain a decent pass tomorrow, unfortunately, i don't think so (i have no doubts) that a 50 is even possible.
I started by googling 'list of jiangnan sizhu instruments'. 45 minutes later, i was on to my 15th video of dbsk's holiday in saipan. The worst thing is, i'm starting to feel sad that they're not performing tgth anymomre! (The word "split" is taboo and forbidden)
I CANNOT STAND MYSELF. 100% am going to fail tomorrow.
It’s amazing that the heart makes no noise when it cracks.
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Oh. Because onsugar is being an ABSOLUTE BITCH, i can't upload new pictures and thus i'm using my VERY FIRST picture uploaded when i just joined onsugar. Which is a year and 5 days ago :) Hehe. So my weekends have been shitty. I've been watching yog like crazy (esp the gymnastics) and i'm falling in love with ireland folksongs :)
Fb is like a memory portal. I was on the verge of swearing never to go back to fb again.
I will now drown myself in celtic woman. I like them, no. I love them. Bye.
If nature has made you for a giver, your hands are born open, and so is your heart;
and though there may be times when your hands are empty, your heart is always full,
and you can give things out of that—warm things, kind things, sweet things—help and comfort and laughter
—and sometimes gay, kind laughter is the best help of all.
-A Little Princess, Frances Hodgson Burnett
--
I am feeling the need to do a little bit of soul searching. I am so sick of this. For some reason i think many of my posts have been titled 'tired'. Life tires me. The need to constantly keep my life in balance, the drastic mood changes (Yes i suffer from insanse mood swings and omg they swing a lot), haha i just don't know what else i'm expected to do; i don't know what to do anymore.
Apparently my only purpose right now in life is to study. How mundane, it's like instructing me to stand in fire and watch flames lick my skin and tear them apart- it's like watching my life dissolve in sulphuric acid (dibasic acid, chem has taught me well). I, am a person who literally fucking hates routine. To ask me to sit there and do math for 2 hours straight is like asking me to drown myself, in mud.
Still, at the end of the day, when it all boils down to one thing- i am to do it. I am forced and pushed and kicked to study. It's not like i do it willingly anyway. Most of the time i grit my teeth and mutter MY FAVOURITE WORD which i think you obviously know it starts with F and ends with K it's FIRETRUCK no just kidding.
Yes so maybe i should tell myself that studying, though it doesnt give me a life at this point of time, it will raise my standards of living in the future (i don't think about the future a lot i like to live in the present......... or the past) and I want to live, but i also want to live a certain Quality of Life.
So maybe................................ Korea? After O's? Anyone? :)
--
There was no sun; there was no light. I was dying. I couldn't remember what the sky looked like.
But i didn't die. I was lost to a sea of cold, and then I was reborn into a world of warmth.
(That's from Shiver)
YAY i posted and then i refreshed the page and realised i've been on onsugar for ONE YEAR (and one day)
BUT OMG ONE YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
(I was on blogger longer but WHO CARES) I'VE BEEN ON ONSUGAR FOR ONE YEAR YAY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Go on with what your heart tells you,
or you will lose all
To: All the people i've lost- be it this year, last year, or a few years back. I will never be able to completely forget any of you (No matter how hard i try and yes i try very hard sometimes). You can hate me for all i give a shit (which i don't by the way) but i'm just saying. Hahahaha okay those 3 sentences were uncalled for but i'm just going to say it anyway.
Okay all this fuss about prelims and o's are driving me nuts. I keep making to-do-lists for myself but i either lose them or they just keep adding up. It's not even a to-do-list anymore it's like a to-look-at-and-sigh-list. I now have 27 things on my to-look-at-and-sigh-list and half of them involve studying each of my 10 subjects :( I'm still proud to declare that rightttt at the top of my to-do-list is *GO TO KOREA*
Which i am going TO DO .................................. after my o's (this is usually the part where i make some really weird estrangled noise and find smth to jump off)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am quite happy w life now. Or more specifically i am quite happy with just this week. Come next week you'll see me hanging off a cliff or smth. KPOP IS KEEPING ME SANE (SADLY, YES IT'S TRUE) THOUGH I DON'T SOUND QUITE SANE NOW, BELIEVE ME, I AM.
Oh boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back to school tmr :(
There is everything you know
and there is everything that happens.
When the two do not line up,
you make a choice.
Hi, it's going to 1 now and i should be sleeping soon. It's quite an accomplishment for me to be awake now actually. Since i've cultivated a habit of sleeping at 10 (yes, seriously). HOWEVER, SUPER SHOW 3 WAS TODAY, IN SEOUL AND APPARENTLY, APPARENTLY, APPARENTLY LIKE OMG LIKE APPARENTLY,
EUNHYUK'S HEAD WAS UNDER DONGHAE'S PANTS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KNOW RIGHT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CANNOT BREATHE CANNOT BREATHE AND OMG NICHKHUN AND DONGHAE WERE IN THE SAME ENCLOSED SPACE LIKE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Ah now all i need is for dbsk to patch back and hold hands (esp yunjae) and be friends again and then i will be contented when i die.
Hahahaha okay now to better topics for the sake of non-kpop people (who are really missing out on the love of eunhae in my opinion), oral was. Unexpected. Like what makes me laugh? I don't know what makes me laugh! Stupid things makes me laugh idon'tknowwhatmakesmelaugh oh this is so horrible, just thinking about oral again. The picture was pretty tough as well.
BUT ANYWAY WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT ORAL WHEN THERE'S EUNHAE TO LIVE WITH AND BE HAPPY WITH LIKE OOOOOOOOOOOMG OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMG YES GO LISTEN TO USHER'S O.M.G OR BETTER STILL, GO LISTEN TO SOME SUJU SONG AND THINK OF EUNHAE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm sorry for this post, i truly am. BUT OMG EUNHAE EXISTS IT. IS. REAL. *STAMP OF AUTHENTICITY*
One shouldn't be too hard on oneself
when the object of one's affection
returns the favour with rather less enthusiasm
than one might have hoped
Ndp YAY WE ARE SINGAPORE, SINGAPOREANS. I hate it when people cut Singapore to S'pore, and then to spore, without the apostrophe. Hello, there is a need for the diacritic mark, if not we'll be going 'we are spore spore spore' and then they'd be like, 'spore? ..Fungi?', get the drift..? Yes i hope you do, and please learn from it o's (oral) is coming :(
Anyway, i know nobody is going to read this now since everyone's busy mugging for prelims, i am proud (as well as distressed, perplexed, worried, irked) to say that hey, i haven't started for prelims except one theme of SS! Aaaaand obviously i picked the easier theme- VENICE.
I have a pressing pressing pressing question on my mind that keeeeeps pressing me when i attempt to recite how Venice rose, peaked, and fell. LIKE WHY SHOULD I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW VENICE GOT TOO COMPLACENT WITH THEIR AFFLUENT LIFESTYLE AND DECIDED NOT TO GIVE THEIR RAT'S ASS SHIT ABOUT THEIR TRADE ROUTES AND ALL THAT SHIT. I mean- Doge Pierto II Orseolo?? Doge ENRICO DANDALOLO~ They vaguely sound like lyrics to waka waka. My ass, not giving a shit bout this.
I would love to visit Venice though, before it drowns.
So, it's Monday. And prelims are.. less than a day away. I don't know what to make of Time anymore. Don't want it to get closer, but on the other hand i can't wait for it to be over and gone. Gone and over. Don't want to get any closer to Prelims; i'm in an uncomfortable enough proximity as it is. So help me God (OH LOOKEY HERE I JUST QUOTED BOB, EWELL!)
Yay now i shall attempt to self-evoke feelings for Tom Robinson and Boo Radley for they are poorly oppressed people of Maycomb Society, everbody go *awwwwh*
Haaaappy National Day Singapore! I am truly proud to be a Singaporean :) I'm proud to be a S'porean as well. Yes, even a Sporean, from Spore ooh look mushrooms :O :O :O
I am constantly feeling like i need everyone else, so much more, than they need me.
Then they'd ever need me.
(I came plummeting down)
(Because there was no one)
(To catch)
(Me)
And yet,
to say the truth,
reason and love keep little company together nowadays.
Yes that picture is an unfortunately very fail feeble attempt to cheer myself up. Though it cracks me up like shit. HAHA IF YOU DON'T GET IT IT'S OKAY YOU CAN COME ASK ME I WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU WHY IT'S SO FUNNY.
Jaejoong <3 My first bias and will be forever remembered :) As the guy who got me hooked onto kpop, ASSHOLE! I feel like i'm eternally stuck in kpop quicksand okay. CAN'T GET OUT CAN'T GET OUT SINKING SINKING SINKING :( Thanks to kpop i'm even a fan of (can you believe it) gays aka eunhae but anyway,
this shall not get out of hand it shall not be a kpop post.
I am. So sick. Of waking up not looking forward to the day ahead. Of looking at every numerical indication of days prelims are due. Of having to create to-do-lists and schedules. Of always feeling like i have a MILLION OTHER BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN TO STUDY. Of wondering why the fuck i need to know elements in the periodic table. Of figuring out how binomial Theorem is going to help me in future.
At least, I've aquired Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol which makes me happy :)
Our story is over, though in its end lies its beginning.
With the succesful upload of that previous post, i need to say that ONSUGAR HAS BEEN A BITCH TO ME OVER THE WEEKENDS :( I made 2 full posts and everytime i click 'publish' it just brings me back to the home page. Once i even found myself logged into someone else's onsugar, bullshit omg.
Anyway, Saudade everyone, that is the word of the........................ well that is the word of the weekend! Has your weekend been like shit and filled with cougar town and meatball marinara sandwhiches from subway? Mine has!
Because i slept at 10, i am now up at 2. Oh, oh oh oh i need to say this, WHY DOES EVERYTHING ON MY TO-DO-LIST START WITH "FINISH ...." (?!) Do i unconsciously leave everything half done? I swear all 11 things on my TDL starts with finish. The worse part is, i haven't finished a single one of it even though i made the list on friday (it's monday morning now, the early early morning morning, yeah)
Yes you should click on the > button because if it wasn't nice i wouldn't be uploading it, sí? The lyrics are self-explanatory, beautiful per se.
Monday Blues. Monday Mundane Morbid Moody Mother. All the horrible M words. I can't stand Mondays i really can't i absolutely will not survive. (I will but i feel better saying i won't)
I need sleep.
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
--
I'm not suppose to say the F word. For like. As long as possible. Actually i kinda started like 2 days ago. But i failed on both counts. Therefore since today is a new day i suppose it wouldn't hurt to try again.
Lack of pictures lack of quotes. No, just kidding it's more like laziness.
Oh and i think i am pretty slow because i just started liking Mayday Parade (yes i know it's like an ancient mainstream song, whatever)
The amount of happiness that you have
depends on the amount of freedom
you have in your heart.
I freed my heart a little today. Let loose, laughed like there was no tomorrow. There could be a hundred other possible ways today could be re-lived. But i wouldn't re-live it, for the world. Today, was, in a long time coming, the best day ever. School, made me errupt into uncontrollable laughter. After that died down, i was filled with the sudden desire to turn the clock back just a few minutes, or a few hours, so that i could let myself go, again. When my mouth went back to it's normal shape, and life continued, my heart hung. But at least i enjoyed myself so much, it made me happy just thinking about it.
After school was equally awesome. Caught up with someone i extremely missed with all my heart, whom i haven't talked to in ages. When i say ages i mean like, light years. Hehehe i silently promised myself never to let anyone close to me drift away so easily. Lesson learnt, yes.
Hehehe bio spa is tomorrow. My happiness has faded away :(
Before i go find a corner to sulk in my house, here is a model picture of a 21st century student. Trilingual, yes. In time to come we will all be speaking in Tamil. You will be forced to expand your Tamil vocab and not limit it to 2 words like Muneru and Valiba.
Look how happy this student is, being proactive, keeping up with times, reading a tamil paper, not looking at all like one!
--
Okay the only reason why i posted this was because of my helix piercing :D I mean, LOOK AT IT!
Here's 10 reasons why my day SUCKED
Yes therefore, today sucked. It will get better, slightly better, if i win lottery tonight. Or by today. But no not going to happen.
>:(
Too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone.
Too often we’re too stubborn to say, ”Sorry, I was wrong.”
Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts,
and we let the most foolish things tear us apart.
Well, prelims can just go KISS MY ASS. I am so lazy, i don't even know how to describe it anymore, i'm at a loss for words. This morning saw me eating mee pok (i thought it was mi pork but deanna told me otherwise) instead of going to church, and then i made my way to a lan shop to play L4D (indeed i quite suck at it) cuz paul has to constantly save me every few minutes hehe.
Other than that, life is moving along just fine. (Because i'm not studying)(yet)
AND I'M GOING TO SINGFEST 2010 YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SCREAM FOR ME HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I didn't even plan to go, taking into consideration that everyone around me is not as lazy and are probably studying their asses of as i'm typing this sentence. However, Celine Tan smth smth, is the only exception! Yay i'm gonna see WONDERGIRLS AND KATY PERRY (SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM) HEHEHEHEHEHEHE.
Yes and my prelims are going to ssssssssssssssssuck. Like ssssssssssssssssshit. I am ssssssssstresssssing on the S-es.
Okay my brain has gone a bit looney after seeing zombies attack me bye
Being on the tightrope is living;
everything else is waiting
Ha, Hahahahahaahahahahah. Hi. My happy bubble didn't surface today. Deanna says i think too much. That is true i suppose. I suppose that is true. Wow my engrish is horrigible. < I think physics spa is the cause of this inconsequential. blogpost.
Well now, physics spa. CAN'T YOU JUST PATCH UP THE FUCKING CRACK IN THE WALL WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED TO MEASURE IT? TOO MUCH TIME IS IT?
>:(
Someone give me some other motivation rather than "o's are in 90++++ days!!!" because that doesn't seem to be working anymore. Nothing seems to be working my ass is too lazyyy. The world should stop spinning around me; let me catch my breath, regain my clarity, and we can go go go again. All set, plan in hand, i'll be on my toes and you'll.. be dead (hopefully)
Ad astra, ad absurdum.
Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on
Pain is just a simple compromise, so we can get what we want. Broken hearts and twisted minds.
Aha, don't judge me. I am like that because that is me, that is the way i live the way i survive the way i find is most effective in getting things done. Suddenly, on my way home, i felt a sudden pang of lonliness. I miss old friends, i miss old times.
My post is incoherent again today. Listening compre was today, i told my chinese teacher it was tomorrow, oh blimey.
3 pure sciences tmr, science overload. Will terminate and die.
I realised i haven't been using the 3-word phrases for very long, things like -i miss you, i love you, please come back.. etc. I have been, however, using things like- i hate you, fuck my life, what the fuck, fucking fucker fucked, etc.
If you read that, i'm sorry. I'm going to bathe now. Why am i announcing this on my blog HAHA. Okay bye everyone should eat macs macs is the Mother of fats, of all things good and true and fat.
Do you understand me? I cannot comprehend my thoughts.
Dead beat.
I pressed my lips together as though
I was keeping his kiss inside me,
holding this moment that was
as fragile as a bird in my hands
I did something very stupid today. I walked into the bookstore and as usual i spent no less than an hour there. Finally with 2 books in my hand- both James Patterson's (yes i am a huge fan of his alex cross series and the womem's murder club), i headed to the cashier.
On my way there (it was just a few steps) this stupid book caught my eye. Okay it's not stupid but there wasn't a summary of the book at the back cover, and the front cover was painted a picturesque of heart-shaped blue leaves and blue branches. There was just one word, no caps, "shiver". For some bloody reason i felt very very extremely drawn to that book. So i walked around abit more with 3 books in my hand.
Finally i got so tired i dumped the James Patterson ones (ah) and bought shiver by Maggie Stiefvater. I didn't even know a single bloody detail about the book. For all i know it could've just been about people shivering, or like stupid short ghost stories.
Hahahahaha i was proven wrong (gladly). The book is so awesome, i can't even bring myself to describe how awesome it is. Almost as awesome as The Pellinor series. Almost. However the only stupid thing about the book is that it's the first of a trilogy which SUCKS because now i have to go haunt for the second book somewhere in kinokuniya (God knows how long that'll take) and i have to wait for the third one.
Here's to my long lost love/ obsessive habit of reading. I'm so ready to plunge back into that other realm i can't wait to end this post.
And oh- if you've managed to read the above w/o falling asleep, congrats. You have officially and successfully managed to register the label 'bookworm' or 'nerd' next to my name in your brain.
Lets play truth or dare
Or just dare because
Nobody tells the truth anymore
T stands for Tired. I am tired. T also stands for Today and Terrible, therefore Today is Terrible, T stands for Tell-Tale, ironically it stands for Truth as well. T stands for Time, which i so very badly want to turn back.
I came back dumped my bag on the bed trudged down the stairs plopped myself on my sofa the bench reached for the remote and watched Grey's Anatomy. I wouldn't call it watching. I was just staring at the screen, mind wondering down memory lane. I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything now, my mind likes to bring me back to places i don't wish to vist, makes me listen to the voices in my head that i plugged long time ago; then i carry on remembering how it felt.
That, is the worst part. Not the sight not the sound but the feelings. The small emotion bubble waiting to be burst. 1, 2 3, I'm back to reality. Doesn't hurt that much now that i've been constantly going back and fourth. I ran in my dreams, tripped over reality and hit my head on the truth.
No matter how hard we try to ignore it, deny it, eventually the lies fall away. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie.
Honestly, i'm fucking afraid. Honestly, i'm fucking tired and i don't wish to carry on with this. Controlled by the heart and not the mind, lets see what i'll do. My reations take place usually immediately, impulsively, given no second thoughts. I might just crumble, fall, crash, exactly what my heart is doing at this point of time.
I knew it wasn't frickin cuz that sounded wrong. It's fucking! Yay :)
Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear I know,
I know
I enjoyed myself today. School was tiring. At least i got to go shopping. Hehehehe. We should all eat our own Tofus so we won't be taken advantage of. Speaking of which, go try Mos burger's 85cents bread. It's delicious for some reason.
It's 1125 now. I wonder what i'm doing up when i have chem spa skill 3 tmr. I was never fond of sleeping early anyway. I've been doing so the past few nights actually. Didn't make much of a difference. Hahahaha actually, the reason why i haven't been updating my blog is cuz i've been writing fanfics.
I actually thought my eunhae fanfics were horrible but there were so many nice comments i just felt obliged to keep writing HEHEHEHEHE. It's fun though! Hahaha i like writing fanfics :) They are fun.
Now, i should try to get some sleep. Oh btw i have this new found liking for Toy Stores now! The BETTER toy store. HAHAHAHAHA :)
California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
we got it on lock
Are you expecting this? Well wait no longer, you're going to get it.
Firstly, i was debating whether i should spend the whole entire post cursing. Then i realised that hey, that wouldn't do! I'd be wasting time, energy and well i'd be wasting everything there is to waste on someone not worth it.
So i decided i shall just say a few words and let nature takes it's course. Or perhaps i'll suggest another course to nature as i usually do so as to you know, get things done. (It's time someone did something that involves direct face-to-face bitch slapping, yes?)
Let's see, where do i begin. Firstly, let's get things clear. Like, crystal clear. You, brought it upon yourself. Don't you dare come pointing fingers and making up stories about who did this and who did that. I'm not as dumb and i'm certainly not very forgiving, and yes i realised i hold grudges. You can keep living as a senseless two-face or some backstabbing bitch but hey, what do i care! I used to think i hate you but now i don't even want to think about you.
Most people crave attention and some fight for it. No dumbshit stands there and expect to be given attention.
Okay! A paragraph and a line! Well my anger is worth that much i suppose. Today we learnt tea appreciation! DAMN FUN. HEHEHE. The best part was eating the nuts hahaha. Healthcheck was so bloody fast la! The glee song is still stuck in my head :)
From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I could not bring My passions from a common spring. From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone. Then- in my childhood, in the dawn Of a most stormy life- was drawn From every depth of good and ill The mystery which binds me still: From the torrent, or the fountain, From the red cliff of the mountain, From the sun that round me rolled In its autumn tint of gold, From the lightning in the sky As it passed me flying by, From the thunder and the storm, And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view.
I'm quite reluctant to do a normal post because i feel very 'bleh' and i just got my you-know-what today. I'm not complaining though, it delayed itself for 2 months so i'm quite glad about that.
I nursed a headache today on the way back from church. Something hurt more than that. That something had always hurt, i didn't give much thought to it. I shan't anyway. Not worth my time, my energy.
Like lipstick traces on pillowcases
Some things in life are unforgettable
Like love, loss, lies and us
Some things in life are undeniable
Hi my friend in the shadows Jerrey, never had a friendster nor facebook and almost didn't have msn until i came in, name sounds like a female, acts like a female but is actually a male. Listens and never refutes, loves me and doesn't expect anything back :) Here's to our mutal friendship, and you and Dez should b tgth forever (though i must warn you that doesn't last long) and thank you for introducing me to L4D even though we met under really........... fked up circumstances. Happy 18th, improve your english, add in proper punctuation and i might actually reply you sometimes. I Love you, dez don't kill me.
School was.......... hmm. My morning was ruined by some fucker, i'm not sorry that the fucker ruined it but i'm sorry i let my morning be ruined by that fucker. The rest of the day was fine, there was no chinese (fuck yeah!) Hehe and lunch was just connect 4 all the way which was damn funny because sha is like, the BEST at connect 4 like whoo! Hehehe.
Kay, one pic from sarah's birthday before i go, and i am only posting this because i am convinced that my eyes look puny-ier than this in the other photos. She, always, looks great so there's no problem in that hehe.
OH and, KINGS OF CONVENIENCE FTWWWWWW. <3 In the middle of watching 'museeeek bang!' (that's how the mcs pronounce it) i chanced upon kings of convenience while channel surfing, and fell in love with them instantly.
Hehehe this post is rather interesting don't you think! Jerrey, don't kill me if i fall asleep at 10 and don't make it!! :(
I fear I've done some things too late and others too early
HAPPY BIRTHDAY sarah NG I HOPE YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU DEEP DOWN FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, I REALLY DO. AND IF COULD BAKE THOSE CUPCAKES UP THERE I WOULD BAKE THEM FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY :) Thank you for just being in my life, it's more than enough to have you as a friend. I do hope you liked today's evening :) It was fun :) :)
So today, school was nice. It was (shockingly) slack for the first time. After school i went to j8 w sylvia and we borrowed this personality colour book thing and i am green :) Which totally says that when i'm angry, the four letter word comes rolling out of my mouth and a lot of other stuff were true too :) Ate oyster meesua, bought cake and rushed home.
Now the highlight of the day, the very failed birthday suprise :) Hahaha took many pictures and it was funnnnn. Sad though, when we all had to leave. I hope sarah enjoyed it! It's her sixteenth and that doesn't last long :( Only 24 hours :( We sat at her table munching soccer pizzas and b&js, and for a moment i felt 14 again. I realised that over the past few years i have indeed stored up many memories with these lovely people and now we're 16 and almost graduating, it feels kind of.... sad. No more dreaded handbell pracs, lunching at ikea visiting joyce/winnie at the hospital, etcetc.
Then again, there's still shopping and dinners and sakura (free flow sashimi) and ECP cycling and more camwhoring to be done :) I won't let the friendships slip by me so easily!
I realised i haven't caught up with alvina and eunice for a very long time :) Soon soon! <3
Oh, and i love you, sarah, winnie, joyce, Forever and Always.
People change.
And often they become the persons they said they'll never be.
Well, today was a total waste of time. They should've just continued lessons instead of making us go for poly talks when most of us are none the least bit interested in going to a poly. However, my mind keeps reminding me that today was a mix of laughter as well, and friends made the day lovely, made school bearable, i felt contented..
And it was enough.
Sometimes in the middle of my lunch, my fork stops midway and i start to feel really horrible, because each second just ticks away like nobody's business and minutes flow by and by the time you know it, everyone is pushing back their chairs and heading towards the exit. Or when everyone doubles up in laughter because of something so hilarious it tickles you all over, you can't stop laughing.. But when that moment passes.......................
It's just sad.
I don't like that feeling. The feeling that makes me feel like everything has been stolen from me in an instant, the feeling which sinks my heart and shuts me up, the sorta kinda 'low' after the 'high', it's just wrong to become the total opposite of whatever that was a moment ago. The anticipation of the goodbyes at the end of anything and everything nice makes me cringe.
I suppose that's life. It's fucking dramatic and it fucks up sometimes but when it's beautiful, it's amazing. Tres awesome. Friends are absolutely amazing, and i wouldn't give any up for the world.
(I'm going to be very singaporean aunty-ish and add in smth totally unsuitable for this kind of life-epiphany posts but, THAT IS WHY PEOPLE SHOULD LEARN TO TREASURE FRIENDS *HINT HINT* BUT IT'S TOO LATE ANYWAY *MORE HINT*)
My life is a series of non-events.
I feel things, but I do not see them.
I am deeply troubled by insignificant things that are not worth being distressed over. I ought to be revising for chinese oral now but my thoughts are unsettled and all over the place. Perhaps i should nap a bit. Yes, i shall do so after this mindless post.
Today was partially lovely partially horrid. Tripple 2-period sciences + Double period Amath + PE is ridiculous. My mind fried after the first 2 periods of physics. Actually, if i slept earlier i can probably live through the day absorbing stuff but i don't sleep early. Thus i shall do so as well, i shall sleep at.... 9? 10? Such unearthly hours.
Sadly my favourite chicken rice stall is shifting :( to 2 stores down... hehe but the place will be air-conditioned thus ^ chicken rice prices (influx). I'll miss my no-breast-meat chicken rice! But there's always 70c cone ice cream next door at macs :)
I always catch myself in a daze, maybe it's the heat, or maybe it's something else.
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
I kept wishing she was you, now i wish everyone was you
We become attached to what's familiar and sometimes
we hold onto things that are safe and predictable
even if they are bad for us.
I've been feeing rather sluggish lately... what a word. I suppose it's because school is reopening in like less than idk how many hours and winnie texted me like the exact countdown hours yesterday afternoon.... if possible, making me even more depressed than i already was and still am.
First time to west coast park today, it was niceeeee and funnnnnn and there was so much food and laughter and the cell is just great :) Hahaha miss sjsm haven't been there for a gazillion years, yes, saw some faces i wish i didn't see (i wish i could never see), saw SCRUTINIZER (GLADYS! <3) who looks exactly like urgh and haha saw people i forgot :)
Tomorrow, marks the start of school hell. I dread it so much i wouldn't even go back if Britney Spears showed up or something. Not even................. okay maybe if dbsk goes to school tmr then duh i'll go too but THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE so...............
Oh oh and i don't know why i'm so astounded by people's personality being percieved and written down on paper but HAHA i got a chance to read through like pages and pages of words about personalities which made me tres excited for no reason.
And my personality really matched it okay! I used to think DISC was cool but this is hell cooler than that and only 2-3% of the world's population has my personality :D :D :D
One last happy thing before i press 'post', switch off the com and go find a corner to hide hoping tomorrow will never come, i downloaded the whole Edgar Allen Poe collection on my touch :) It's an ibook. Hehehehehehe happy happy ah happy.
OH AND GO PORTUGAL (LOOK WHO JUST DISCOVERED HER NEW LOVE FOR FOOTBALL (MORE SPECIFICALLY RONALDO) BUT HEY PORTUGAL ROCKS) HAHAHAHA.
Everyone is so caught up in their own heartache,
they never stop to realize that other people feel things, too.
We're all so convinced that 'nobody knows how I feel',
we don't open our eyes wide enough.
Overlooking the people that could help us,
we go on with our lives,
living in self-created prisons -
prisons within our own minds.
Loooong quote. Today has been a long day. It's gonna end. And Wednesday is going to be over. Then comes Thursday.................... then Friday........................... let's not talk about weekends because they pass like seconds and then MONDAY.
Ohmybel :(
Nvm. Watched Karate Kid w FATSO yesterday. THE WHOLE WORLD GOES TO PS. Hahahaha. But it's fine. Can't wait for Monday night anyway. :)
Secret : I skipped tuition todayyyyyyyyy............. I realised i've been revealing too many secrets so BYE :)
I'm getting an industrial soon. In about 2 weeks time. Yes bel, you are a bit mental.
Here's a secret : I went back to lovelettering and i found out that the 2 letters i submitted got published. And they made me laugh and cry. Most of all, they made me remember. You don't have to figure out what the hell is lovelettering and i'll save you the trouble of looking through the 100 over messages from all around the world, submitted anoymously to the website.
I totally forgot about the website but stumbled onto it again, and found what i wrote and submitted like......... a year ago. Here goes.
--
#forty four
Dear _,
You don't know this but I'm aching. I haven't been able to sleep normally and I toss and turn countless number of times, only to find that my heartache hasn't gone away. It probably will if you die and I move on. But you're still alive and I''m still stuck knowing.
--
#sixty two
Dear _,
you kind of suck now and i'm glad that you're gone. People say i've had some blonde moments and i guess that's true. But my most blonde moment was when i became interested in you.
--
If you do, however, manage to find the site, i don't think she's gonna upload anymore submits because.... well she hasn't uploaded for like...... a year and more. And if you do see my letters, then haha i shall just tell you that the single alphabet it's addressed to isn't the first letter of the person's name. It's more of........... an inside joke. Oh well.
To-Do-List #47 (I did this minutes back but i decided to post it because, well, i'm bored)
*I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE AN ANCIENT CAMERA. After being a proud owner of a pretty camera for...... 2 weeks? My mom finally tells me i can't open the back hatch and let the film get exposed to... (well i'm a smart pure chem student so i'd say oxygen) air if not the picture will turn out........... not looking like a picture. Just a black piece of glossed paper. Then i thought back about every picture i took with the camera and realised, that after i took a picture, I WOULD OPEN THE HATCH.
Back to my very boring afternoon-turning-evening.
Our minds sometimes see
what our hearts wish were true.
Perm! I permed my hair already :) :) :) Haha earlier than expected, no i couldn't wait. Anyway, my hairdresser DID BROWN EYED GIRL'S HAIR WHEN THEY WERE IN SINGAPORE *SCREAMS* and SHE DID 2 OF SUJU'S HAIR BACK IN KOREA *FAINTS* Buuuuut she's going back to Korea in July :( Her boss did Lee Hyori's though. They have a picture! Hehe. Wait. I'm not a crazy fangirl anymore
....................... *closes eyes and does the shang po, xia po*
Okay so tomorrow is the last Monday of June hols which isn't really holidays to begin with (that's what everyone says) but hey, i haven't even finished a single holiday homework and i haven't actually studied. Maple and shopping ruined my life :( My days are all booked :(
Oh and i re-pierced my 3rd hole as well. I might be addicted to piercing...... my ears. Haha and no where else :)
So, here's to the rest of sucky holidays and my permed hair and pierced ears and fucked face and piles of undone (and will never be done) homework and here's to the last remaining sane days of the year. At least until O's.
OMG O LEVEL CHINESE. *fucks up (as usual) and dies >:( *
You and me, a little different
though we tried to stay the same
It never leaves and when it changes
it is still a waiting game
I wait for a lonely breath
I wait to surface from this depth
I wait for the light to come
and take away these images I've kept
In my head
More than ever, I need to feel you
--
I'm not one who really holds grudges. This is different. No matter how i try to bring myself to overlook it, a new wave of anger and frustration gets bottled up. It's not that i can't bring myself to forgive you, it's more of, i can't not hate you.
I don't know what your stupid problem is, but i hope you stop. Your actions are completely undesirable by not only me, but others as well. Sometimes i think you're eccentric and attention-seeking, but most of the time i just think you're absolutely selfish. That and you are completely useless when it comes to the area of friendship. You don't know how to make friends, and worse, you don't know how to keep them.
(Filthy backstabber)
I will tell it straight to your face one day. When i don't have to see you anymore. Actually i could just tell it to you now, but i think it'll cause a chain reaction, and i might lose friends i actually love. Maybe you tried. Well, try harder.
Each time I told my story,
I lost a bit, the smallest drop of pain.
Day #1 of Helix piercing, it feels fine. Other than the fact that i take 40 minutes just to bathe now rather than my usual 20, because my hair keeps getting trap in between the stud. That, and the fact that i can't turn my head to the left when i sleep, which means i can't sleep facing left which is how i always sleep :( But it's all worth it, at least i'm not blind and deaf :D (It's a myth hehe)
Thank you to everyone who texted me to wish me luck (it felt like i was going on a roadtrip to hell) and thank you winnie and sarah who walked many many rounds with me round far east, waiting for me to build up the courage and walk into 77th street :)
It's been 2 actually holiday days for me, i suppose everyone's mugging now but i'm still busy shopping........... hahaha tmr i will finally try to get my ass down to work, tgth with loved ppl :) can't wait. <3
Maple is coming back to haunt me.
OH OH OH, phase 2 of anti-kpop has kinda worked. While browsing through my songs today, i managed to skip every dbsk song i saw or kpop-related ones and i spammed owl city on replay :D I am becoming sane again yay :)
Okay, maple takes very long to dl but i'm still waiting, waiting, waiting for the world to change :)
It may have been in bits and pieces,
but I gave you the best of me.
I actually held off blogging in case i couldn't control my anger and would start blogging about the..... well The Fucker, as we all know her. (OhmyGod i revealed it's a her!) Anyway, i've thought about it a lot, and i realised that i don't want to be friends with her anymore. Not wanting to be friends with her anymore doesn't mean i'll call her The Fucker forever and plot plans to ruin her already-fucked-up-life, instead, i will not do anything. Because i don't want to have anything to do with her anymore. I won't give a shit whether she's dead or alive, sick or healthy, happy or sad, stupid or even more stupid. I don't care.
Maybe my blog should be private, like deanna. But where's the fun in that :O
Anyway, on a lighter note, i love building failed-sandcastles at night :) It has been a long while since i felt so free and happy, and i certainly enjoyed it :) Saturday was a blast, even though i only joined in for the other half of the day. I hope my pictures develope nicely! :)
Today, i am going shopping (refer to title above) and will be going shopping for the rest of my holidays. The 2 pathetic weeks left will comprise of shop, sleep, shop, sleep, repeat x14.
OHHHHHHH AND I'M PERMING MY HAIR ON THE 26TH MARK THAT DATE :D :D :D I AM HAPPPYYYYYYYYY. HEHEHE CURLY HAIR HERE I COME :D NO MORE STRAIGHTER-THAN-A-RULER HAIR! :D
Deceiver, dissembler
Your trousers are alight
From what pole or gallows
Shall they dangle in the night?
What internal serpent
Has lent you his forked tongue?
From what pit of foul deceit
Are all these whoppers sprung?
Deceiver, dissembler
Your trousers are alight
From what pole or gallows
Do they dangle in the night?
If you're the bird whenever we pretend it's summer
Then I'm the worm, I know the part, it's such a bummer
Owl city never fails to cheer me up. And the lyrics make sense. Today was a nice day. Or so i thought. It was nice until a few minutes ago. And anyway my bed came and it's orange. An orange bed in a pink room. This is horrible.
Is the picture obscene? It's as obscene as you.
I suppose it'll be really childish to go 'i hate you', but you're really despicable. Now i know.
All that we see or seem
is but a dream within a dream
I like the quote ^ hehe it's by Edgar Allan Poe again. Don't you think it's quite true? A dream within a dream. Anyway, today was sorta kinda nice as well. SS was boring like hell and chem was chem, nothing out of the ordinary. Lit seminar was cold and the speaker had an accent but the stories were nice and the poems were lovely.
I just want to mention The Fucker(s) again, (before i end the post on a happy note) by saying that THANK YOU VERY MUCH for causing all this to happen. Wow really, i didn't know you were capable of such things! Now what, i'm left to pick up the pieces you very nicely tore out? I don't think so. I mean, yes i will but bear in mind i'd have a grudge from now on. Not like you'd know about it anyway. Fuck off man.
Anger simmering anger simmering anger simmering.........................
THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY IS, LOOK AT MY NEW CAMERA
OMG NICE RIGHT HAHAHAHA SEE THE HEARTS AND THE STARS AND ITS PINK AND ALL YAY I LOVE MY NEW CAMERA <3 <3 <3 But i'd have to go to the camera shop to develop the film once it's up........... BUT IT'S STILL SO PRETTY HAHAHAHAHA :D :D
LIPS LIKE LIQUORISH
TONGUE LIKE CANDY
See i ended off on a happy note! And ps: It will never stop no matter how bad you wish it would. I wish it would too but it's quite impossible with the existance of THE FUCKER.
I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up
running from one falling star to another till I drop.
This is the night, what it does to you.
I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
I am xtremely annoyed with myself for failing to post more often. I am posting today though, that makes a difference, yes? Today was nice :) Because it was just Emath all the way, i enjoyed it sorta kinda. Sitting next to Alicialala is very hilarious. My face felt botoxed like crazy and skin was coming off :( :( :( Probability is quite easy to grasp :) Yay.
Oh and i'm getting new furniture! :D My blue table is replaced by 2 white coloured IKEA ones and my bed will be gone and in its place is this pastel pink bed with white threading. My room will then become a pink-white theme. Because i can't find a table in pink :( But white is nice :)
I bought a book on Saturday- It's a compilation of poems and tales by Edgar Allan Poe and it is damn nice. :) Hehehe the first poem is about bells! I feel like a lit freak now :(
As you can see, i'm trying to post about senseless things as much as i can so that i won't errupt and start ranting about this fucker. Thus, i will now type out a paragraph from the poem titled 'The Raven' and after i've typed it, if i still feel angry, then i'm sorry Deanna you went to eat and failed your sage duties :(
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That i scarce was sure I heard you" - here I opened wide the
door;-
Darkness was there and nothing more.
HMMMMMMM. AM I STILL ANGRY? I don't know it took me 50 seconds to type that cuz i memorised it. And sipping bland barley doesn't help either. Therefore, ranting i shall go! (Sorry deanna :( )
YOU 2 FACE FUCKER YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW? I HOPE YOU ROTT IN HELL OR FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT. I REALLY WISH YOU'D BE GONE OR SOMETHING. YOU ARE THE WORSE LIAR IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE AND I HAVE NEVER COME ACROSS SUCH A STUPID BACKSTABBER BUGGER LIKE YOU. LIKE HELL YOU'RE SMART. YOU'RE THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE YOU'RE LIKE, FUCKING USELESS, AND FUCKING BRAINLESS, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I HAD ANY SENSE TO BE YOUR FRIEND, YOU FUCKED- UP HYPOCRITE. PLEASE DO ME A FAVOUR AND NEXT TIME, STOP BEING SO FUCKING TRANSPARENT I CAN SEE THROUGH YOU AND YOUR SENSELESS LIES.
:) I WILL POST MORE LATER. BUT FOR NOW, BYEBYE.
Love me when I least deserve it
for it is when I most need it.
Von broke the news to me today :( How cruel, over a text. He didn't even say anything :( This is so depressing i might just join i-got-cheated-by-my-husband-anoynonmous. The press obviously, made the news a really big one when it was suppose to be kept as a family matter, allkpop you are ruining my life :(
Hahahaha i'm re-reading that paragraph and i do indeed sound like a troubled new-divorced lady. How odd.
I am to watch flashforward with my brother now. Since he dilly dally delayed the show for like 30 mins, i shall do the same, by blogging! I want to create a twitter. Maybe, when iPhone 4g comes out and i finally get data plan.
On the way back home with deanna today, i asked her whether she'd trade her life for anyone else's (in singapore obviously not like obama or maybe sooyoung of snsd or better still my ex-husband nichkhun) and she said no. She was quite contented with her life. And i am too :) Even though i've been thinking that i'm not, i came up with a conclusion that yes i am happy with my life and i wouldn't trade it for anyone else's! (except maybe victoria of fx since she's my ex's mistress!!!)
Hahaha if i would trade my life for anything, it'd be to become an angel and to go up to Heaven and watch all you people suffering living on earth :) Haha I'M JUST JOKING I WOULD BE A FAIRY (DUH) I'LL BE A PINK PRINCESS FAIRY WITH A CROWN AND PINK GLITTERY WINGS AND A NICE HEART SHAPED WAND AND WHERE EVER I GO I WOULD LEAVE PINK FAIRY DUST :D
It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy it is disposition alone.
Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other,
and seven days are more than enough for others.
I survived chinese o's! But i think i'll settle for a B4 :( My essay was like crap. After o's........... i went to eat lunch and then i went shopping and bought many things :)
OH and i realised i haven't taken pictures in like light years. Therefore after 1 or 2 more months (depending on how long my fucking face needs to heal) this blog here will (hopefully) be flooded with pictures :D Hehehehehe.
Hopefully i'll survive intensive revision and prelims and finally, o's. Hopefully.
Yes, as we all know, or rather, in case no living soul reads my very hiatus-ed blog anymore, TOMORROW, is chinese O's. I don't know why i'm making such a big deal out of it but yes, it is a life and death situation. Do i feel the slightest bit prepared? Not really. Then again, i don't think i'd ever be prepared but omg IT'S TOMORROW.
OMGGGGGGGGGGG. HAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. ACTUALLY I CAN. OKAY I SOUNDED LIKE SARAH FOR ABIT.
THE REST OF THIS POST WILL BE DEDICATED TO WINNIE, WHO HAS ACCOMPLISHED SEVERAL GREAT THINGS TODAY! OR AT LEAST.. 2. SHE READ 100 CHINESE COMPOS AND 200 OF MY VERY VERY VERY OLD BLOG POSTS. :)
And, she is dissatisfied that her name has been mentioned only a few times in all my years of blogging history therefore winnie, your name has been mentioned like infinity number of times, following this :
WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE WINNIE
OMG HAHAHAHA GO COUNT IT :)
Yay, love you winnie :) :) :) We must go out more often and go shopping k <3 <3 good luck for chinese O's.
And to.......................... the rest of the world esp people who've been studying w me these couple of days, you know who you are, to the rest of 4a1 normal chinese people and like the rest of.... the world taking normal chinese tomorrow, good luck :)
You will need it!
But if you wanna leave, you can.
I’ll remember you though,
just like I remember everyone that leaves.
NO I WILL NOT. SCREW YOU.
I'm so caught up in the o's-are-next-monday phase that i can barely process a coherent thought anymore. I'm losing myself in papers of chinese words that vaguely make sense, i'm blinking my eyes trying to make do of the composition title that i am expected to write a full length essay about. I have to write letters, formal, informal to people of all sorts.
I am losing myself, i'm losing sense.
If you want to leave now, go ahead. I honestly can't say i blame you. My fingers are itching to dedicate a sentence so that its sole purpose is to insult you.............. and also to vent my anger.
If your eyes are idk- too minute to be opened wide enough to see how fucked up i am now, then i'm sorry. I don't fucking have the time or energy to give a damn about you and if you are still expecting life to slow down and wait for you, i'm sorry i think you're more fucked up than i possibly am. Please don't tell me anything my brain has no more capacity to listen to the sorrows and burdens of your oh-so-VERY-interesting-life.
I really do detest you now. You irritate me so much i think at this very moment, i hate you more than i hate studying for chinese. So please don't bother me anymore, i'm not going to even try to do something about this rut you're in. Who do you think you are? I can clearly see now that i'm just wasting my time on you. Screw you and all the shit you carry around with you.
Oh- to think i thought you were different. You're just the same. Blimey!
Darkness, darkness, everywhere
Do you feel alone
The subtle grace of gravity
The heavy weight of stone
I am blogging instead of studying for Chinese O's which i have been constantly procrastinating and putting off. After the very long day, i am slightly incoherent so it would be nice if i was excused.
Anyway, i feel like a person with no life. Is that how sec4s are supposed to feel? I have no idea. I just feel like a complete loser who hasn't been out. And all i think about is studying but i don't seem to get down to it. How infuriating. I wanna watch back up plan! BUT CHINESE O'S ARE LIKE.... LESS THAN A WEEK AND A FEW DAYS AWAY............
Nvm. The point is, (of this post), MUSIC BANK TODAY WAS LIVE. LIKE LIVE LIKE HAHAHAHAHA. And when suju won, eunhyuk hugged donghae first therefore = eunhae :) They should get married. And adopt. Or something. Talking about eunhae gives me endorphins :)
And they both have twitter accounts! *squeals and dies*
I realised i've started 3 sentences above with "And". What has become of my command of english? Haha it has been replaced by Chinese and small amount of tiny traces of Korean :)
This post doesn't make sense. See, incoherent. FUCK YOU, THICK SKINNED PIECE OF SHIT. ROTT IN ETERNAL HELL.
Your words don't even make sense
Just turn around
It hurts me too much
I don't want to see you anymore
So i survived with my horrible face. Yay. Alongside tears and everything else unpleasant, that is. Myes ended on... Wednesday. And Thursday was the start of living hell chinese intensive. It's so bad sometimes i feel like i'm in china.
Then Robin Hood was............................. (i can distinctively hear myself repeat "I am Robin of the Hood" now in my brain) Okay it's nice partly because of the victorian times context and the other part owed to Queen Isabella who's uncle is the king of spain (yes i got that much from the movie). Plus you can't miss out the epic "Rise and rise again. Lambs become lions" smth like that catch phrase.
It was nice overall :)
I actually took an hour and 45 minutes to come up with the above post. Of course somewhere in the middle i was watching nu abo and bonomana and without u, but other than all this, i have nothing left to say.
Suprise. (You are gross)
To my face:
The above picture is especially for you! To thank you for being the best face ever, you are rewarded with 3 old buggers pointing middles at you :) Yes, thank you for giving me a really nice childhood where i could do anything and not be conscious of my face. Or what's on my face rather.
The number of white blood cells in the blood coursing through my face scares me. It's like a never ending supply. Regardless, you've made my parents pay more than $2000 worth of bills. For that, i truly thank you for boosting singapore's economy and letting good-for nothing dermatologists profit from trying to "cure" you.
Which is impossible and i know this because you are my face.
Here's to the many years we have left to spend together. I wish everyone was faceless, skinless i wish you'd just go away. But no. We all just haaaave to have skin. What so good about skin. Seriously. I HATE YOU FACE I HATE YOU.
Friends come, friends go
After much consideration- believe me when i say much, I have decided to throw that whole part of my life away. I'm done with it. Done harping, done brooding, done thinking about it. From now onwards, from this very moment, this instant, i do not know you.
I did not know you, have never known you, do not wish you know you.
Maybe we'll meet again someday. Like, years down the road. Believe me i'll extend my hand and shake yours and we'll start afresh. But for now, it's over. I'm sorry. We're through straight down to the very first day we met, the very first time i saw you.
--
Well. This is painful.
How could i, of all people, chastise someone for their past?
And while everyone was revising trig ratios and sets and mensuration and ohmyGod sec1work, I was busy baking cookes. Batch after batch :) Hehe it's destined that i'll fail emath tomorrow and the following papers. Ahhhhhhhhhhh what the shitting hell is an angle bisector like seriously did we learn that in sec1?! Did sec1 even exist?! Oh no.
On another note, my mind keeps wondering off to the restricted zone. The small corner in my mind barricated with you know, yellow strips of paper labelled "crime scene do not cross" or smth like that. Just that in this case it's just plainly labelled "memories isabel never wants to remember". Yeeeeeah. Notice the absolute term 'never', repeat the absolute term and hence comprehend it. GP helps i guess?
Okay, back to tomorrow's paper. It's.......... 10:39 now. It's still early! I shall dig up my emath bible............. and....... read it! Yes awsm plan.
My brother and i have same watches. His is blue and mine is neon pink. That's not supposed to be blog-worthy. The blog-worthy fact about them, that'll make you gasp is that- they are effing 10 bucks. DAMN FREAKING CHEAP RIGHT (!!!) Hahahahaha yay! I'm now at a life stage where i embrace cheapo stuffs. :D
Oh, and there's this article in Life! section today bout junsu and junho's concert in the compass ballroom. (I hate the compass ballroom i literally died there waiting for BLG to miraculously appear). Aaaaaaaand anyway, the reporter kept stressing the fact that junsu recieved more cheers and screams than his brother. I mean like DUH he's junSU. Note, SU and not HO, biiiiig difference.
I'm beginning to worry for emath i shall go save my sorry ass now.
Ps: I'm beginning to cherish people that i can have comfortable silence with. There isn't many. I won't even use all my fingers on one hand to count them.
For you, a thousand times over
So Saturday Morning finds me sipping tea in front of the com (what else) pondering over the fact that i haven't moved much of my ass to get down to studying. It's amazing i didn't blog for a week. :O Even i was shocked at myself.
And for the record, i'm still normal. I'm not bipolar. Yet.
Though ss/lit was on Friday, Thursday night was an early night for me. Don't know why my body exerts this pulling force that makes me gravitate towards the bed. Plop and i'm out like a light.
Mye music prac was on Wed. Music practicals make me freak out a little more than usual. But ohmyGod i survived, I'M STILL ALIVE :O hehe.
Ohhhhh i went to stickys ytd! And bought a jar of lychee pillows. I expected myself to grab the strawberry ones but the lychee sweets were too nice :)
Okay, i think everyone's studying now................................ i should be studying too................. and i will study now.....................................
I want to read The Kite Runner and watch The Lovely Bones, ahhhh no time :(
IF YOU DON'T TAKE IN BIG GULPS OF AIR NOW YOU'D PROBABLY REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
JUNSU IS IN SINGAPORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
:D :D :D :D :D
I WISH I KNEW EARLIER! THEN I'D HAVE BREATHED A LITTLE MORE OF THE AIR NOW :) AHHHHH I'M BREATHING SINGAPORE AIR JUNSU'S BREATHING SINGAPORE AIR WE ARE ALL BREATHING THE SAME AIR YAY :)
TODAY'S PAPERS SUCK. SO BE IT.
BREATHE!
Listen- everything happens for a reason,
everything happens for a reason
Beautiful girls. all over the world, i could be chasing but my time would be wasted, they've got nothing on you baby, nothing on you.
Okay, marathon was today, band concert was on saturday and heartbeat was on friday. Where shall i start first? Or shall i delay the heartbeat and band concert posts and wait for photos to be uploaded on fb so i can upload them here? :)
Today's marathon was....... an epic failure for me hehehe. Whatever la, i finished my 2.4 and that's the only thing of any importance. Then i gained all my fats back by eating at macs. Oh but we laughed a lot hahaha while reminiscing 'Primary School Days' lol!
Sucker, primary school is long overrrr. Reality comes crashing back down and- oh look i'm wayyyyy behind time in studying for Myes. I just started on one random physics chapter on sunday night :( Pressure :( During the not-so-failure 3 hours studying marathon with sylvia. Which turned out to be 2 due to the stupid impossible game and whatever.
Anywayyyyy, there's school tomorrow. Omgomg when will this end?! Anyway, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, THEREFORE YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CLICK THE PLAY BUTTON BELOW TO SEE NICHKHUN RAPPING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *FAINTS*
I'm gonna be okay, gonna be okay,
I'll be okay, gonna be okay,
Baby without you,
Baby without you.
But things change. People change.
Change was one of the inevitable laws of nature,
exacting its toll on people’s lives.
Napfa was today. Napfa was okay. I managed an A for everything. Cept standing broad jump. (Obviously). Last year of sec school napfa. It feels fine :)
It's last everything. Last this, last that. Tomorrow marks the last handbell performance. It's bittersweet i guess. The only thing i really enjoyed bout practices were playing nice songs and all my loves who made hb pracs bearable! :) December 2009 was still the best. Hehe. I'll remember all the times we rushed back to school frantically tgth. And ikea. Hahahahaha.
I shall save the rest for the Goodbye Handbells post, hehe after CCA stand down i guess.
Today, singapore's epic weather revealed itself once more. It was hot like hell in the morning/afternoon and then there was thunder and a downpour in the evening. Wow. I do love my sunny island in the sun singapore.
Mmmm, what else. The days ahead are busy busy :( Mostly they're filled with non-stop violin pracs and.......... yeah. That's about it. I will eat violin sleep violin shit violin.
Haha, i never imagined sec4 would be so............. hectic. It's only gonna get worse. Okay. I shall finish Dear John now :) It bores me to death but i rented it so i may as well just try to read it. :)
Smile though your heart is aching,
smile even though it's breaking
I'm sorry, i'm really sorry N. You know i'm not worth this, i'm not worth what you're giving me. I honestly don't think i deserve it from someone this special. I'd rather keep you as a friend, rather than something that's awful. Pick anyone else but me, i'll only bring you misery.
To another, hi. I'm just stumbled over some old photos and just like that, it hits me. Ohmygod i miss you. For reasons unbeknownst to me as to why i won't answer your texts like i used to, why i don't pull you in for a hug when i see you, or why i don't want to see you at all anymore, i really do miss you. With all my heart. Then again, i'd wonder, how could you leave me just like that? How could you?!
--
I'm not a good enough person, not a good enough friend, not a good enough lover, not a good enough student. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. Never.
