Woke up and wished that i was dead

 

My body aches,
it heaves,
it shakes,
all somersaults,
through so-called art and I still don't know exactly who I am,
I never will,
amen.

 

I honestly don't know where i'm suppose to go, what i'm suppose to do. Woke up and wished that i was dead. With an aching in my head, i lay motionless in bed. I thought of all the things that scared me, saddened me, and suddenly i wished i could've just died in my sleep. The more i see, the less i of anything i feel. I'm falling apart faster than ever. And that scares me.

A heartbreak isn't as loud as an exploding bomb. Sometimes it's as soft as a falling feather, and the only one that can hear it is me. I've got loves out there i would run to as fast as possible. I think you know what i want to say next but i wouldn't say it, no i wouldn't ask that rhetorical question. I'm not chiding you, i'm chiding myself.

Bio's on wednesday. I'm in a too distressed state to study, let alone function normally.  

I swear, i am the biggest overanalyzer that you will ever meet. I think so much about the little things that don't even mean anything. I guess i'm just looking, looking for something that isn't there.

My brain's gone wayward. In a wayward direction it seems. Capricious, unpredictable. I've got a premonition bout something. Can't prevent it from happening but i'm trying, oh, my, God i'm trying. Can you believe it? I can't. After all the mental blockage i put myself through, i'm actually trying. Haha see i scare myself.

Again, bio's on wednesday. I suppose typing those 3 words wouldn't make me move my ass and get down to memorising homostasis excretion and retarded neurones (I take that back i need more neurones) but it makes me feel better. In a way.